Advertisement

In a succinct paragraph in the prologue of the book she wrote with her husband, “One Stroke, Two Survivors: The Incredible Journey of Berenice and Herb Kleiman,” Berenice Kleiman honestly assesses what it is like to be married to the victim of a stroke.

“I have lost — temporarily or permanently — my mate, best friend and business partner. I lost the man who walked the dog on rainy nights, cleared the dishes, and fixed what needed fixing,” she writes. “I miss the concerts, plays, intellectual discussions and the long driving trips we shared. I worry about who will be my caregiver, should I ever need one. And I miss making love and the intimacy that comes from being held with two arms. This total loss is so incredible, so inconceivable that I refuse to accept it as final.”

And so for the last five years she has encouraged her husband to recovery, sharing his rehabilitation in much the same way she was his partner in love, marriage and business for 38 years. “One Stroke, Two Survivors,” published by Cleveland Clinic Press, is as much a story of her survival as it is his.

“This heart-wrenching, page-turning story is about not only the race to save Herb’s life, but also Berenice’s fight to overcome the intricacies and challenges of today’s health-care system,” said publicity material for the book from the publisher. “This is information every caregiver or potential caregiver must have . Their lives had changed in an instant, and this can happen to anyone.”

Cleveland Clinic Press was launched last year with “the mission of increasing health literacy about medicine, health care and treatment,” said the publisher. “One Stroke, Two Survivors” ($24.95, hardcover, ISBN: 1-59624-006-7) offers a wealth of information that Berenice Kleiman had to learn from hasty conversations with her husband’s doctors and lengthy searches of Web sites.

Appendices in the book provide a glossary of “Words to Know,” useful resources on the Internet, a list of daily medications taken by Herbert Kleiman, and suggested books for additional reading on the subject of stroke.

“This book shares lessons and advice that, had we known them upfront could have made our journey much easier,” writes Berenice Kleiman. “We recount our experiences in two voices with sometimes differing viewpoints. Mine, as the caregiver spouse, are interspersed with Herb’s selective comments as the stroke survivor. We hope our message reaches the family members, and especially primary caregivers, who love and care for survivors with disabling and chronic illness. Perhaps as we life the curtain to reveal personal and family issues, our candor will ease the journey for those who follow us.”

Chapter titles indicate the length of their journey (”The Beginning,” “The 24-Hour Furlough,” “First Month at Home,”) and the enduring nature of it (“Transitioning to Our New Life”). The names of chapters also give a glimpse at the ways life makes an already disabling disease even more difficult (”Medical Complications,” “Maneuvering Through the Medical Maze.”) The sections delve into discussions of issues such as emotional turmoil and lost self-respect (”Caregiver’s Anger,” “Toileting Nightmares,” “The Costs No One Talks About”).

Berenice notes in the book that the road after a stroke is not one that is easily traveled, and her husband admits an ambivalence about his own progress.

“Was it worth the time and trouble to not ‘warehouse’ me?” he asks. “The question has been ever-present since I first came home. My moods are erratic, ranging from complete despondency to a more hopeful outlook. At the bleakest extreme is the concern that I’m simply a burden, not only to my wife but also to anyone lending a hand.”

Kleiman’s wife and caregiver acknowledges her own questions. How long should she keep encouraging him toward improvement during those periods when he holds no higher goals than sitting in a wheelchair and watching television?

“It is tempting to give up and walk away,” she writes. “Often I want to. I miss my independence and want to enjoy life. But I can’t turn my back on my soul mate.

“The total loss from Herb’s stroke was so unacceptable, and the dour predictions so limiting, that I refused from the beginning to accept them as final. Don’t allow yourself to accept similar pessimism about limitations and the final outcomes either.”

Reach Repository Living section editor Gary Brown at (330) 580-8303 or e-mail gary.brown@cantonrep.com

Quote:

“Herb had a stroke on Saturday morning in Canada. I rushed him to The Cleveland Clinic, where things have not been good. Last night neurosurgeons broke up blockages in two arteries in his brain. The good news is that he is alive. The rest we’ll take care of one day at a time. Please keep your fingers crossed and pray, contemplate, or hope, to help move things along. We need your thoughts.”

Berenice

(One of the first e-mails Berenice Kleiman sent to friends and family, alerting them of the stoke suffered by her husband, Herb, in July 2001)

Signs of a stroke

--Numbness or paralysis in the face, arm, or leg, commonly on one side of the body.

--Loss of vision

--Loss or slurring of speech

--Sudden severe headache

--Balance or coordination problem

--Dizziness

--Loss of consciousness

Source: “One Stroke, Two Survivors,” by Berenice Kleiman